2 years ago

2 years ago today, I got a call from my mom in the early to mid afternoon saying that my dad was not doing so well. My reply was that I would try to come over. (Can you believe that, what a bone-headed thing to say!) What happened after I said I would "try" to come over was that within 5 minutes I was out the door on my way to my mom's house. The blessing in that was that I didn't bring anything that I would need for an overnight stay, because my brain had turned off. So when I realized that I would be spending the night at my mom's house, I called Jesse and he brought me a little bag, and because of that, my boys got to see their Grandpa one last time. The tender mercy here was that while the boys were here was one of the only times that day that my dad was lucid. Of course, later on that night he slipped into a coma and passed away.
So here it is 2 years later, and at some point I got to the point where I could think about him without crying every time. At some point I figured a few things out about faith, and where mine was. At some point my life started to heal. But the fact is, I still miss him. It still tares me up that my kids won't know him. Nate still talks about him. Just yesterday he said something about not doing something until Grandpa comes back and lives with Grandma again. Graham was just a year when he died, so he will have no memories of him. And any memory of him that Nate has is of when he was sick. I wish that they could know him for the fun loving goofy guy that he was. I hope that one day they can understand what it means to grow up in this stake being the grandson of President White. Right now all of my children have a special connection with him, Nate's middle name is after him, we buried him on Graham's birthday, and Olivia was born on his birthday.
I hope that I can live up to the standard that my father has set for our family. I am incredibly lucky to have such a wonderful family. To have so many siblings who I love so much. To be a part of a group of people who genuinely love to be together, and not have any outcasts. As much as I miss my dad, is how much I'm glad that I still have my mom here. She is a rock to me, and someone I can always look to. All that I know about being a good person, a good mother, a good wife I learned from her.